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  • Oh no, is "my ip" something I need to be worried about? Should I dump ice on my head? Or quarantine myself? Or both???
    Oh no, is "my ip" something I need to be worried about? Should I dump ice on my head? Or quarantine myself? Or both???
  • Trying to fall asleep to the incredible #serialpodcast but I'm just too spellbound. Get off Instagram and download this shit RIGHT NOW. Start from the beginning. This is storytelling at its finest. Enjoy.
    Trying to fall asleep to the incredible #serialpodcast but I'm just too spellbound. Get off Instagram and download this shit RIGHT NOW. Start from the beginning. This is storytelling at its finest. Enjoy.
  • Made Thai ginger and lemongrass chicken meatballs in red curry coconut sauce. I lead a very exciting life. Try to keep up.
    Made Thai ginger and lemongrass chicken meatballs in red curry coconut sauce. I lead a very exciting life. Try to keep up.
  • I sat next to a pair of new parents and their 3-month old baby on the flight home. About an hour in, they asked me if it would be okay if they changed their baby. They specified that they wanted to do it at their seats, right in my face, and not in the back of the plane. I said "sure" with my mouth but "fuck you" with my face. Time passed and they did nothing. I asked if they were still going to change their baby and they said, "oh yeah, at some point." So I spent the next half-hour in total anxiety and fear, wondering when it was going to happen. All the anticipation and dread totally wore me out so I eventually tapped the dad on the shoulder and gave him a head's up that I was going to take a nap and that maybe it would be a good time to change the baby while I was sleeping. I woke up about 45 minutes later, and upon seeing that I was conscious, they vindictively changed him. I thought I was going to die. Then, these knuckleheads squirted a bunch of hand sanitizer in their shitty kid's eye so he spent the last 20 minutes of the flight screaming his face off while his parents freaked out. Anyway here is a picture of flank steak, creamed kale and sunchoke salad I neurotically made when I got home.
    I sat next to a pair of new parents and their 3-month old baby on the flight home. About an hour in, they asked me if it would be okay if they changed their baby. They specified that they wanted to do it at their seats, right in my face, and not in the back of the plane. I said "sure" with my mouth but "fuck you" with my face. Time passed and they did nothing. I asked if they were still going to change their baby and they said, "oh yeah, at some point." So I spent the next half-hour in total anxiety and fear, wondering when it was going to happen. All the anticipation and dread totally wore me out so I eventually tapped the dad on the shoulder and gave him a head's up that I was going to take a nap and that maybe it would be a good time to change the baby while I was sleeping. I woke up about 45 minutes later, and upon seeing that I was conscious, they vindictively changed him. I thought I was going to die. Then, these knuckleheads squirted a bunch of hand sanitizer in their shitty kid's eye so he spent the last 20 minutes of the flight screaming his face off while his parents freaked out. Anyway here is a picture of flank steak, creamed kale and sunchoke salad I neurotically made when I got home.
  • "Your Instagram is really hard to follow. You and Greg are, like...disgusting." -several trusted friends
    "Your Instagram is really hard to follow. You and Greg are, like...disgusting." -several trusted friends
  • Guys like girls who eat a cheeseburger one hour after brunch at the all-you-can-eat buffet, right?
    Guys like girls who eat a cheeseburger one hour after brunch at the all-you-can-eat buffet, right?
  • There's nothing for me in New York.
    There's nothing for me in New York.
  • Donald Duckface. (Is anyone still following me on here? Why??)
    Donald Duckface. (Is anyone still following me on here? Why??)
  • Didn't feel like spending $15 on a balloon so I took an artsy picture
    Didn't feel like spending $15 on a balloon so I took an artsy picture
  • I'm moving here.
    I'm moving here.
  • Mickey: "Everybody yell out your wish!" Greg: "A double-decker double blumpkin." *escorted out of park*
    Mickey: "Everybody yell out your wish!" Greg: "A double-decker double blumpkin." *escorted out of park*
  • Disney World: where dreams really do come true. Meaning, they encourage you to take selfies.
    Disney World: where dreams really do come true. Meaning, they encourage you to take selfies.
  • Hatters gonna hat #hyperlapse
    Hatters gonna hat #hyperlapse
  • I just want to watch this on repeat forever.
    I just want to watch this on repeat forever.
  • Never coming home 👋
    Never coming home 👋
  • ...and that was the moment I realized I'm dating Duff Man.
    ...and that was the moment I realized I'm dating Duff Man.
  • I got "Lukewarm" on the Love Tester machine inside. Accurate.
    I got "Lukewarm" on the Love Tester machine inside. Accurate.
  • BAE
    BAE
  • Well this is just terrific.
    Well this is just terrific.
  • Should have known butter beer was just cream soda and vanilla ice cream and not carbonated liquid butter. LAME.
    Should have known butter beer was just cream soda and vanilla ice cream and not carbonated liquid butter. LAME.
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